~CIT~ Digging Deeper

CIT was absolutely AMAZING!! Knocked my socks off then knocked me over! God really worked in my heart. I went (like a dummy) thinking that I wouldn't have to change that much. Pshhhhh was I WRONG. I thought they were trying to kill me with my first assignment! lol 75 selfish things about me.......I wondered where in the world I was going to find them. Obviously I didn't know me very well. ;) I got stuck after 10.....then after 20 something......then after 50 something.......then I finished and realized that I had probably left one of the most selfish things about me off the list......and so I added the all important number 76: Refusing to pray for/forgive someone. Now that number took some digging.......probably b/c I wanted to deny it existed. And I should have been a bit more specific than that (I got there later). Specific would have been: I refuse to pray for/forgive Kris Kroger (the guy who murdered my cousin). So my whole first week interview with Mrs Berg was spent on number 76. I learned that it's painful when some head knowledge has to become heart knowledge.......boy is it. Lesson number 2: packing it up in a little box and shipping it off doesn't solve the problem....you have to take it out and deal with it. How I hated dealing with it. And of course my counselor found me after my interview and made sure I was thoroughly pounded (in a good way). I have never been made to think so much in my entire life! So I thought some more about it that evening. My head knew that hating someone was the same as murder in God's book......my heart tried to justify it. At which point in my thinking I have to come back to a verse that Mrs Berg gave my (Romans 2:1) Next day = CIT hike. Best part was testimony time (in which I totally broke down during mine and cried....a lot.) Worst part was.......the hike of course. Since I love hiking so much lol. Of course this was not the only thing I learned first week....just a major one. First week evaluation with my counselor equaled.......well, I certainly had no idea all that was in me. Or I probably did and chose to ignore it. Not the greatest scores on the planet there. 2nd week I thought would be simpler....how hard could it be?? (Remind me to never ask that question again) I discovered that balancing sessions, time with cabin mates, and everything else is easier said than done. And that having a servant's attitude is REALLY hard some days. I didn't realize until 2nd week what a demanding/hard job counselors have. And so the second week flew by as well. Colleen and I figured out how to sum up a large portion of camp: your days are long, your weeks are short, but the shortest things at camp are your sleep and showers. 2nd weekend I showed everybody what a nap on the office lounge couch looks like.....we were waiting until 3 on saturday to leave b/c we were going to the SPP banquet in Greenville. And it was pouring rain and I wasn't walking back to the cabin.......did I mention that there was this lovely picture taken of me while I was sleeping? ;) lol When I got home sunday night we were just in time for church. I had a differing opinion originally than God on what I thought I should share for testimony.......I didn't want to bring out the whole Kris thing with out even having talked to my parents about it yet........but God won out so talk about it I did. I managed to make it through without crying........but when the next call for testimony was given one of the girls that knew Steven really well stood up. She started speaking, and her whole time was spent talking about what I had just said. By listening to God I had said the things that needed saying for her to get on the road of forgiveness.....THEN I started crying....okay, bawling would be a more apt description. At the end she tried saying that it was b/c of me that she had come to this conclusion about needing to forgive.......I've never had a more wonderful opportunity to deflect praise from me to God. I gave God the praise and honor for it......and I must say that that was one of the most mixed emotion moments of my life......sad for what has happened, yet joyful to be able to give God glory. I had no idea that it was possible to feel like that. So began my time at home and I hadn't even technically made it back to my house yet. ;) Since all this……well, life has just gotten more interesting. More stuff has happened, and some days I feel like hiding………or yelling. I have to remember that God is in control and nothing happens with out him knowing it.