First Christmas

So when you see the title you think of a great many possibilities.......what you see most often is Baby's first Christmas, or a pet's first Christmas....something like that. Not what I had in mind. It's been my first Christmas without Nanny and Steven. I was kinda dreading Christmas this year. This Christmas was going to be different than every other Christmas I had known for my whole life. I suppose I was right..........it didn't exactly ever "feel" like Christmas is supposed to feel today. Perhaps b/c there was no one presiding over everything from a chair in the kitchen or living room.....or b/c there was no card game going on in the living room floor.......or much of anything going on in the living room actually. No pie making this year yet either.......Christmas tradition was normally for me to make a pie (more like 2) yesterday.....nope, didn't do that either. Sitting in the living room after everyone was gone I started thinking......so this was my first Christmas without them.....it was their first Christmas WITH God. So this Christmas was strange......it was still Christmas. On the very FIRST Christmas everything was changed. B/c of the FIRST Christmas I can handle my first Christmas without them......b/c I know I get to see them again. So I didn't get to tell either of them good bye the last time I saw them on earth......it'll be okay b/c I get to say hello in Heaven. Today was also the first White (okay white-ISH) Christmas I've ever had! And I enjoyed it. Snow is always nice......although it's nicer when it sticks. ;) But in so many ways all of this is beside the point..........the point is this is Jesus's birthday. The Savior of the world-MY SAVIOR-, well today is the day to celebrate Him. Happy Birthday Jesus!!!!!! Thank you for giving me the best gift ever.........Yourself. My best friend, the one who loves me more than anyone else can, and the one who's always there.........thank you.

Meditation on the Attributes of God

Wisdom - Seeing and responding to life situations from God's frame of reference

Proverbs 9:10 - "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the is understanding."

James 3:17 - "But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy."

The definition and verses make you think don't they? Thinking about a situation purely and without partiality is hard when you're the one IN the situation. We think of some things as just something to try our patience. And we think "God, why is this happening to ME?" But if we look from His view point it's helping us learn to put our faith in Him. Do I have wisdom? Only when I'm willing to put all my trust in Him. Does that always happen? No, I'm human, and I have a stubbornness for wanting to try things my way first. Remembering His way is best AND should be FIRST is a big challenge. Are you willing to try it?

God's Amazing Power

power - to be able, ability to act or produce an effect, possession of control, authority or influence over others

The Power of God: God creates and controls everything. He is not only powerful, but all-powerful. There is not one created being more powerful than God. God wants the best for our lives and has the power to accomplish it. Isn't great to know that we serve a God who has the power to do anything? And that no situation is out of His control?

Mark 10:27 - And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.

Isaiah 40:28-29 - Hast thou not known? hast though not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of His understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might He increaseth strength.

Psalm 33:8-9 - Let all the earth fear the LORD: let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him. For He spake, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast.

When I don't trust God it's like saying I don't believe He has the power to do the things He said He would! I sometimes feel like it's too "little" of a matter to involve God in........but that's not true! God wants to be part of every part of my life........b/c it's not about how God fits into my world..........it's about how I fit into GOD'S WORLD!!!!

~CIT~ Digging Deeper

CIT was absolutely AMAZING!! Knocked my socks off then knocked me over! God really worked in my heart. I went (like a dummy) thinking that I wouldn't have to change that much. Pshhhhh was I WRONG. I thought they were trying to kill me with my first assignment! lol 75 selfish things about me.......I wondered where in the world I was going to find them. Obviously I didn't know me very well. ;) I got stuck after 10.....then after 20 something......then after 50 something.......then I finished and realized that I had probably left one of the most selfish things about me off the list......and so I added the all important number 76: Refusing to pray for/forgive someone. Now that number took some digging.......probably b/c I wanted to deny it existed. And I should have been a bit more specific than that (I got there later). Specific would have been: I refuse to pray for/forgive Kris Kroger (the guy who murdered my cousin). So my whole first week interview with Mrs Berg was spent on number 76. I learned that it's painful when some head knowledge has to become heart knowledge.......boy is it. Lesson number 2: packing it up in a little box and shipping it off doesn't solve the problem....you have to take it out and deal with it. How I hated dealing with it. And of course my counselor found me after my interview and made sure I was thoroughly pounded (in a good way). I have never been made to think so much in my entire life! So I thought some more about it that evening. My head knew that hating someone was the same as murder in God's book......my heart tried to justify it. At which point in my thinking I have to come back to a verse that Mrs Berg gave my (Romans 2:1) Next day = CIT hike. Best part was testimony time (in which I totally broke down during mine and cried....a lot.) Worst part was.......the hike of course. Since I love hiking so much lol. Of course this was not the only thing I learned first week....just a major one. First week evaluation with my counselor equaled.......well, I certainly had no idea all that was in me. Or I probably did and chose to ignore it. Not the greatest scores on the planet there. 2nd week I thought would be simpler....how hard could it be?? (Remind me to never ask that question again) I discovered that balancing sessions, time with cabin mates, and everything else is easier said than done. And that having a servant's attitude is REALLY hard some days. I didn't realize until 2nd week what a demanding/hard job counselors have. And so the second week flew by as well. Colleen and I figured out how to sum up a large portion of camp: your days are long, your weeks are short, but the shortest things at camp are your sleep and showers. 2nd weekend I showed everybody what a nap on the office lounge couch looks like.....we were waiting until 3 on saturday to leave b/c we were going to the SPP banquet in Greenville. And it was pouring rain and I wasn't walking back to the cabin.......did I mention that there was this lovely picture taken of me while I was sleeping? ;) lol When I got home sunday night we were just in time for church. I had a differing opinion originally than God on what I thought I should share for testimony.......I didn't want to bring out the whole Kris thing with out even having talked to my parents about it yet........but God won out so talk about it I did. I managed to make it through without crying........but when the next call for testimony was given one of the girls that knew Steven really well stood up. She started speaking, and her whole time was spent talking about what I had just said. By listening to God I had said the things that needed saying for her to get on the road of forgiveness.....THEN I started crying....okay, bawling would be a more apt description. At the end she tried saying that it was b/c of me that she had come to this conclusion about needing to forgive.......I've never had a more wonderful opportunity to deflect praise from me to God. I gave God the praise and honor for it......and I must say that that was one of the most mixed emotion moments of my life......sad for what has happened, yet joyful to be able to give God glory. I had no idea that it was possible to feel like that. So began my time at home and I hadn't even technically made it back to my house yet. ;) Since all this……well, life has just gotten more interesting. More stuff has happened, and some days I feel like hiding………or yelling. I have to remember that God is in control and nothing happens with out him knowing it.

Shopping! ;)

After this shopping trip (last friday)...........I have almost everything I need for PCC! Leaving in 26 days! **gulp**
Think I have enough school supplies in the buggy yet??? =)

With one of my favorite guys!! Think PCC is ready for us?

Kaybob!! Who was along for the shopping ride........;) Running commentary like "Yeah, you're gonna need that fist aid kit. We're klutzes."

HEEEY C-C-C-CIT!!!!!

See??? I'm alive....even though I haven't posted since April (bad me). This summer I had the wonderful opportunity to do CIT at the Wilds, NC!! It was absolutely amazing!! I've never been as challenged to learn more about myself and about God! Surface answers don't get you by.......you've gotta dig deeper! I'm not gonna go real deep into CIT stuff right now.....I've got some thinking to do first. ;) But here's an overview in pictures! Enjoy!

With my Honduran friend Katia!! Who was also my bunkmate 1st week. =)


With Colleen on the CIT hike. "Put your blinkers on boys!" This amazing lady wound up being my interviewer 2nd week.

You can see South Carolina from here! lol

Beautiful view

With Mrs Traci! This wonderful lady somehow put up with me all the way to North Carolina.

Mr Woodfin deigned to let me take a picture with him lol

With Mrs Berg, my first week interviewer. God blessed me so much through her.

Borderland ladies with our amazing waitress Maddie!

Pretty

Christina!! I miss this girl!

With Em at Christian Life Seminar

With Anna, my second week CIT buddy! Fun times!

With Jess, my second week counselor. I miss her so much!


With my buddy Christopher! Who just happens to be Em's bro.

With Em on Pig Day!! (Where we look like major dorks on purpose) ;D

2nd falls!!

Bonfire at CIT testimony time.

The beautiful lake that is at the campsite.

Didn't Jess draw a lovely "G" on my forehead?? =D


With Jocelyn! Who claims I'm a cameraholic........she'd be right. ;) <3

REUNION!! After a week mostly apart we were very happy to see each other!

Borderland ladies hiding our faces with our diplomas!!


Ter-Bear and me!!!! Terrance was my brother counselor the first time I ever went to camp and was a CIT counselor this summer.

Me and Kate, my team's lead counselor. She's GREAT! <3

Our crazy faces. We definitely belong on the Calhoun Crazies!! Go Green!

First week cabin on the last day of the second week........before we had to say our good byes. Yeah Borderland!!!

With my first week counselor, Jocelyn. Did I mention she's amazing?? <3

Me and my buddy Riley! He's from one of my churches and did CIT during the same session as me. =)

Me and my friend Bethany before the SPP Banquet. Long weekend, but loved spending part of it with her!

Busy........but survivable! =)

It appears that time keeps flying by........absolute free time with NOTHING at all to do.......well, there's not much of that anymore lol. So spring has sprung and I have what seems like a MILLION things to do! For instance (I'm gonna use this week as an example) I have school work to get done (usual), 2 Pops performances tomorrow, lots of piano practicing to do before next Saturday, work, deciding who all I'm inviting for senior recital, picking out invitations, AMTA District auditions next Saturday, work next Saturday, and (best thing on the list! lol) go hang out with Sam next Saturday after work so that she can take some decent pictures of me (b/c I need some senior pictures)! Oh and I almost forgot........Easter is next Sunday! =) So now that the world knows what I'm up to.......it's time to go play Claire de Lune for an hour (piano teacher's orders lol). ;)

Memories of my Nanny

(Andrew and Nanny, the sunday before Veteran's day. That's how I'll always remember my Nanny.........smiling)


My Nanny went to be with God this week. She died on monday, her viewing was tuesday, and her funeral was wednesday. I miss her. She was my pie making partner/supervisor. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas we made chocolate pie together. Mighty good pie it was too. ;) Advice like "You have NOT whipped that meringue long enough!" and "Well, taste test it and see! If it tastes okay we figured out the right amount of ingredients!" I'll hear every time I make it. And I'll feel like she should still be behind me at her kitchen table supervising. And fussing 'cause I wouldn't let her do the dishes. As if I would! A sign in her kitchen said "grand kids eat free" well, same principle applied to great-grand kids. But you were gonna pay for it with your parents if you didn't at least help with the dishes! Not that we wouldn't have done it anyway......we loved our Nanny, and she didn't need to be doing all our messy dishes from cooking when she didn't/couldn't even help cook it! Besides......it was more fun to make her complain. ;) Nanny took no nonsense from us........we loved to climb the holly tree in her front yard, but if she caught us up in it you'd hear "You kids get out of that tree before you fall and break your necks! I mean it!" Some of my favorite memories of Nanny are probably just sitting and eating breakfast with her and my grandmother at a certain cafe in Clanton. If I was with them on wednesday morning we were going to go eat breakfast, and then I'd help her with her grocery shopping. It feels odd that I'll never have another opportunity to sit down and eat breakfast with my Nanny. If I'm sitting here crying, it's not b/c I'm sad for her. She was so ready to go. At 91 she'd lived longer and seen more things than I can ever imagine. No I'm sad for me, that I won't get to see her again in this walk of life. But you know what the great thing is? I know I'll see her when I get to Heaven, just like Steven. I may miss them now......but eventually I'll get to see them again. And to all the friends that have been there in the past month with prayers, hugs, and words of encouragement, Thank you.

(Opening her Christmas present from Andrew. A pair of Auburn converses. She was a big Auburn fan, and loved to pick on us for being Bama fans)

(The Christmas present she took such pride in)

A lot has been going on.........

The past........2 weeks? I guess it has been. So very strange, they've slid right past me. 2 weeks ago tomorrow my cousin was murdered. (that's a picture of him and his girlfriend on the left) You never think that someone whom you love, have grown up with, and is so close to your age would be gone from this life already, much less murdered. I miss him. Not that I've seen him real often lately.......but now I know I won't see him again until I get to heaven. It's an odd feeling. Out of my grandmother's 9 grandchildren 4 of us are Seniors this year. I'll be thinking about him when I graduate. B/c I'll feel like he should still be here to walk and accept his diploma. The past 2 weeks have been......rough. Rougher for a lot of people in my family than for me, but sleep has eluded me a LOT these past 2 weeks. Only in the last few days have I been going to bed before midnight. I came to the conclusion that I would never understand why all this happened........so I have to trust and lean on God's understanding. He has a plan, though I have NO idea what it is. But I do know without the words of encouragement, prayers, and hugs of so many friends it would have been so much harder for me to get through. Many thanks is owed to them. They already have my love (whether they want it or not lol). One day at a time, we can get through this. And I just have to remember that when I look at the picture at the very top of this page, Steven isn't in that box we call a coffin. He's in Heaven, and I'll see him when I get there. <3